So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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