so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
