I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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