walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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