awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
