i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
