Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
