worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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