did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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