Where is the hickey?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
