just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
