it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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