Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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