my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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