just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
