i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?