Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.