32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions