Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
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My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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