Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
