I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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