if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
