I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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