At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
