haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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