I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize