take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
