i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
