Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
