Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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