they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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