Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
