Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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