Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
