When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
