No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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