I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
