Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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