I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
