Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
