so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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