The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
