Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
