The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
