i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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