if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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