At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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