i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
