I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
