1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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