I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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