Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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