He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Never joke about your clitoris.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
