I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
