There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
