lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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