it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I faked an abortion last night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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