i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
