sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
