i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
