Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
