im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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