I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
