i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
