Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
