sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
