I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
