There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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