Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
