This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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