Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
