One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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