Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
