He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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