Jerry, you need to find god
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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