Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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