at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
