It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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